I wanted to write this blog as a woman who has dealt with losing two babies to miscarriages and has multiple friends who have had miscarriages. Sometimes since miscarrying is so prevalent, society makes it seem like its just another normal occurrence, but to the people going through a miscarriage and grieving the loss of their baby, it is anything but normal.

I want to share the story of when I lost my second baby, as this was a really difficult experience. I was so sick with morning sickness and then I was told by the ultrasound technician that it looked like my pregnancy might not be viable. I was told to come back in a week and they would check again. This went on for three weeks, where I was only able to see the ultrasound tech and had to wait to hear if my baby was ok. I was given the final news of no heartbeat by the ultrasound tech as well and told to make a follow up appointment to see my doctor. I was devastated and my doctor had not even stopped in to see me or deliver the news herself. When I saw her a few days later she said she was sorry and that I needed a D&C and should have the embryo genetically tested to see why I miscarried, When I went into the hospital, the nurse asked me all about my pregnancy until she realized what I was there for. It felt like an eternity as my doctor was late and when she walked in had to tell me she was sorry as she had been delivering babies. I share this, because this is how people make light of what they feel is normal. The one good thing that came out of all of this is that I found out I lost the baby to a genetic defect that is the most common reason for miscarrying and that it did not predispose me to not having a healthy baby in the future.

Let me say that to all the women dealing with this, I am so sorry and I send big hugs. I also send hope, as this does not mean you will not have a baby. My husband and I went on to have a healthy baby boy about a year later.

You need to let yourself feel all of the feelings that come up. You can be sad, mad, frustrated, hopeless or even scared. These are all important for you to feel to grieve the way you need to and to be able to move on. This is not easy and no one should make you feel like it is. If you need support there are many counselors who can help you deal with this, and there are so many women that can offer support as so many have dealt with this.

While grieving, make sure to take care of yourself and be easy on yourself. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to talk about it, talk about it. If you need to just zone out and get lost in a movie, do it. This is about you. Also, know that your partner may be dealing with this in a different way and that is also ok. Honor and support each other.

When you are ready to start trying again, it may be scary, and that is ok. Remember though, stress is not good for you or your pregnancy, so be scared but do not let it take over. Make sure you find ways to stay relaxed and hopeful.

I support and send love and hope to all of you who have experienced the loss of a baby. You will get through this.